If Joseph Were Kenyan

If Joseph Were Kenyan

While attending the Bible School of the Holy Spirit, I was encouraged to always read the Bible with imagination without colouring outside the lines. On one of those reading assignments, I encountered six Kenyan Josephs —three noble and three colourful. I acknowledge that we have very many noble Kenyans who wear their Joseph names and calling proudly. Some could even be considered composites of all the noble qualities of the Josephs in the Bible.

  1. Noble Mary’s husband

He would go about life knowing that in the biblical Joseph, he has a role model and father. Just like his namesake who did not expose his fiancé, Mary, to public disgrace, he will seek to respect, honour and protect other people’s honour. In the current age of cancel culture (public shaming), this Kenyan would be a rarity and an outlier.

He would move his family to whatever place to protect them. Lastly, he would proudly teach his children practical skills and allow them to help in the family business until they grow into their calling. He would quietly go about his life just like his biblical namesake.

2. Colourful Mary’s husband

This Joseph would scream on all social media platforms that he is not the father. He would hop on all leading media stations and influential podcasts to shout the message, “I was not party to that matter of baby manufacture. You can take it to the bank… when the DNA results are released, you will confirm for yourself.”  He will finish the series of interviews by retreating to his backyard, where on a popular vernacular station he will punctuate his denials by calling his fiancé a whore. 

He might not easily uproot for the sake of his family until a few guarantees and assurances like compensation, pa diem, travel and hardship allowances are addressed. Lastly, he would walk around feeling slighted by the Holy Spirit, thus he would get his own virgin to score and earn bragging rights. If not that, he would be wishing his son were a girl because girls rarely ask, “who is my daddy?”

3. Noble Joseph of Arimathea

It must be noted although this Joseph is identified with his place of origin, in Kenya he can hail from any region. He could be prominent member of the Kenyan community, like a party official or powerful parastatal head. A person with access to the president.

He is an unselfish leader. A person who uses his wealth and influence for the benefit of others. With time he would be commended for his loyalty and convictions. He can be trusted to follow his convictions and do the right thing. Right decision has to be followed by right action. He will not conform or seek to blend in with prevailing trends.

4. Colourful Joseph of Arimathea

Despite his wealth, he would still ask for donations for the funeral. A private funeral would not work for him. He would oversee several funeral committees. He would invite politicians and other prominent persons to the funeral, where they would be expected to campaign and make speeches. It would be a long a funeral ceremony because of another long list of clergy who would all insist on being introduced.  And although it should be a sombre moment, the politicians would not hesitate to trade insults. He may add a twist so as to draw more attention to himself by besmirching the disciples especially Peter. He might exaggerate and add claims about his special relationship with Jesus. Later he may write a book: The Untold Story of Jesus’ Burial.

5. Noble Governor

A brother’s keeper. Expect him to listen and dance to Jeffrey Osborne’s “If My Brother’s in Trouble”. He would do anything for his brothers including putting them in jail to test their loyalty, values and motivations.

A faithful and loyal servant. He would be entrusted with everything at home including tutoring the family’s teenage daughter. As the governor or the president, the country would enjoy much prosperity. His leadership and business acumen would be legendary.

6. Colourful Governor

Because of his father’s wealth and position, a 17-year old Joseph would be a celebrity with heavy social media presence and enough publicity. As a last born for a period, he would do anything to outshine his brothers. It is obvious he would not say no to his boss’s hot wife’s advances. Her seduction and Joseph’s age of emotional and hormonal turmoil make for a portent combination.

As governor or prime minister, on assuming office, he would not even dispense his duties especially on hunger prevention. He would bid his time so that after the coronation he can attend to the real business: a homecoming party in Canaan. At the coronation, he would make a lengthy speech.

In his speech, he would start by thanking Pharaoh profusely and making promises of how he will not disappoint him and the country. He would then tell of his rise from a hustler, washing cars and houses to the second in command. He would remind them of his accomplishments as a dreamer and dream interpreter. He might even embellish about how he dreams while he is still awake.

He would remind all that he is qualified and although he is from another tribe or country he is the right person for that job. He will then proceed to call out his naysayers names and epithets. “I know there are those who doubt the interpretation of the dreams and the subsequent appointment.”

He would conclude his speech by calling Egypt the land of opportunity. “Where else in the world can one rise from a houseboy to Pharaoh’s second in command. In Egypt, your dreams are valid. I encourage you to sleep and dream.”  Switching to their language, Egyptian, he would assure them that he is one of them and they are safe because he is an accomplished dreamer and interpreter of dreams.

The next order of business and most important for him would be to organize a huge homecoming party. He would saddle the horses and fill the chariots and caravan with Egyptian goodies including a few slay queens, and head back to Canaan to tell his father and brothers how the Lord has anointed his head with oil and set a table before his enemies. While in Canaan he might even get himself a Canaanite mistress.

Martin Mburu

Judge Dogood © is a fictional character created by Martin Mburu

One thought on “If Joseph Were Kenyan

george kimaniPosted on  3:37 pm - Apr 20, 2022

hey Bro, very good site. I have been perusing the site after your sent the alert. well, I also spoke to Kachwanya to develop something similar but we are yet to finalise. on my book am still working on my first draft. very interesting read i must say about your work.

Raymond JumaPosted on  6:52 pm - Jun 5, 2022

. A nice read.

GracePosted on  6:28 am - Jun 20, 2022

I love the first Joseph the Noble husband to Mary, that you allow things that are out of the ordinary to accomplish not your own will but God’s will.

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