Fishy Prayer
When the post on the plural of ‘fish’ breezed by my timeline, I was reminded of a time I was asked to say the closing prayer after a family gathering.
I overcame my initial reluctance with the elation that I was being recognized as an aspiring spiritual warrior. I exuded joy, excitement and confidence when I said, “Let us pray.”
Judge Dogood Accused of Practising Witchcraft
Have you ever been accused of practising witchcraft? Yes, I have.
And I am not talking about behind the scenes, hidden chatter and gossip, no. I am referring to a straight up face to face accusation.
On a fine Tuesday morning I was walking to my car. I was preoccupied with my warm thoughts which were warding off the freezing air outside. Ahead of me in the parking lot, John, my neighbour, was already driving out. But on seeing me he stopped and stomped out.
Human Gas
Dogood got a much sought justification for obsessing and talking freely about farting. This he got from an unexpected quarter: church and not a scientific study. He learnt about a spiritual dimension to passing gas. So as not to offend the imaginations and sensibilities of the noses, which have been enjoying some unexpected protection due to Covid-19, we will use the term human gas instead of farting. The masks have saved noses from the vagaries of air pollution.
Couples seminar: Adam and Eve
“Imagine how life was for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden before the Fall. What did they talk about?” Judge Dogood asked the seventeen couples. Dogood’s friend, who was facilitating the couple’s seminar, had invited him to open the session.
Dogood presented his version of what might have happened.
“When Adam saw Eve, he uttered the famous words, in Genesis 2:23, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called ‘Woman’, for she was taken out of man.’ Adam must have been so overjoyed that he even did a courtship jig. No more hanging out with animals or staring at trees for company.
He took her through the basics. His work was to take care of the Garden. And most important, he told her they must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Besides keeping him company, Eve was expected to help him with his work.
At A Conference On Literacy & Imagination
Dogood’s only regret was that he was in Cape Town for business, not pleasure. He made his way past the registration desk. It was not as busy as the first day. The ushers in conference uniform: white T-shirts and blue jeans, were there to guide the few guests who reported on the second day of the conference. Three conference organisers were in an animated conversation. One of them furiously turned the pages of the conference program. After a few minutes, she wrote on the whiteboard next to the registration desk. Standing near them with all the worries and impatience of a nation was a participant from Tanzania. As he had registered late, his name was not in the conference program, and he was afraid he might not present. A broad smile wiped out his concerns when he saw his name and the title of his presentation written on the whiteboard.
Choirgirl
Choirgirl walked through the entrance of the upmarket cafe. A male security guard ushered her in. Her blue dress hugged her, revealing curves that are always hidden under the choir uniform. Like a woodpecker, her high heels rhythmically ate away at the café’s tiles. She swayed her hips from left and right as she made her way in the jungle of tables and occupied chairs. She scanned across looking for him, but also as if her nostrils were chasing every aroma in the air. She shifted her heavy handbag to her left hand. She had stuffed two bottles of perfume she bought as she waited to go in; she didn’t want to seem too eager to meet him.
Sermon: A Tale of Two Donkeys
“Our sermon today is based on the story of two donkeys. Yes church, you heard me, donkeys. Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw!” Dogood’s braying was so convincing that some in the congregation looked around for the donkey and the owner of the pet. If he had been out, he would have fooled the real donkeys.
“Donkeys are pets in some places. For some people, donkey meat is a delicacy. Many of us have unwittingly eaten donkey meat. In some places, they are pack animals or beasts of burdens. And in other places, they become circus animals after they are painted to look like zebras. Donkeys are very generous—they can breed with horses and zebras.
Four in One
“Globalization, connectivity, networking and innovation are terms that are bandied everywhere. How much of that is encouraged in our classrooms? We are training learners to pursue disciplinary isolationism. We are sharpening compartmentalized thinkers–people who have to be prompted to turn on specific parts of their brains. I am about to tell you a joke, switch on your creative side of the brain.”
“Yet, all of us, learners, teachers, curriculum developers and all the other stakeholders, are expected to practice multidisciplinary approach to everyday issues. This can be difficult because of the deep chasms created around the subjects. In fact, in some quarters they have been advocating for the scrapping of art subjects. The language teacher says, ‘This is not Science.’ The science teacher says, ‘We don’t focus on small lifeless things like commas and full stops. If I can’t study it under a microscope, I am not interested. By the way, what is the temperature of a joke? What are the pH levels of fiction, songs or paintings?”
Destiny Motifs
Dogood wrote an expository essay on destiny motifs. He had a difficult time starting the essay as reminders of all the essays he had written over the years, most of them fictional and still in his imagination, distracted him. He saw the light when he recalled a definition he gave at a teachers’ workshop. “An expository essay is a type of writing in which the writer exposes a topic or exposes themselves to the topic.”
Do you believe in destiny, a predetermined cause of events? If so then there must be little markers or patterns or motifs that direct you along your path of life. For instance, the motif of wood in the life of Jesus– He was born in a manger to a carpenter and died on the cross. I will use two stories from the Bible to illustrate destiny motifs: Moses the waterman and the dressing and undressing of Joseph.
Judge Dogood Interviews the Interviewers
Dogood was at another interview. It had gone well, or so he thought. He had answered all the questions effortlessly.
There were three panelists, two of them male.
“Mr. Dogood, Do you have any questions for us?’
“Thank you. I have a couple. I printed them out.”
Dogood took the questions from his document folder.
“You came prepared.” One of the panelists said.
“Thank you. You can answer the questions in any order.” Dogood said as he gave them the questions.
Dogood had printed twelve questions.