Storytelling Bouncer
“Come and see the sun rising at midnight, and the moon coming out during the day.” The comments came from a close family friend who was accompanied by Dogood’s family and friends.
One of his siblings had said that it was going to be a great day, a memorable function because Dogood was the usher.
She said the comment when a dapper Dogood in a black suit corrected them, “I am not an usher. I am the bouncer!”
Emceeing Gig
“I am told you guys eat essays and term papers for breakfast; theses, dissertations, and other tomes for lunch; abstracts and research posters for light supper. Your hobbies include swinging from theoretical frameworks to conceptual frameworks.”
Dogood was met with deafening silence accompanied by glares. It is as if he had committed academic treason or intellectual heresy.
He was knocked off his stride but did not show it. “This is going to be a tough audience,” Dogood spoke to the copy of the program that was staring at him.He had been invited to emcee the launch of The Country Council of Scholars, Researchers, and Scientists. Although they were not in academic regalia, the air was filled with their academic prowess.
He is Not a Gloomy God
He laughed.
He laughed along a solemn hymn
He laughed in church
He laughed while reading Leviticus and Job
He laughed.
Every time they looked at him, he was always laughing. But when he laughed at a funeral, they decided that was it and it was time for intervention. A brother was in trouble.
Teaching Parents About Creativity and Imagination
The games teacher pushed Dogood to the stage. A pair of four hundred eyeballs, some hidden by glasses, accompanied Dogood and the teacher to the centre, where the podium had been a few seconds ago.
Dogood had squeezed his small frame covered in a navy blue coverall into a shopping trolley.
As he was preparing for the talk he had considered wearing a vest and using a playpen but reconsidered.
He had asked to speak to the parents alone.
Judge Dogood Thrown out of Church
Dogood was toted and thrown out of the building. The building was a church. As he rolled off, he nearly knocked down an usher who was walking in with the offering baskets.
Dogood had been invited by a group of pastors of a big church to talk to them about creativity and imagination for religious leaders.
“Do not play that game of telling us to imagine.” They requested him. “Give us specific strategies to boost our creativity and imagination.”
As he was preparing to talk about one of his passions, he kept getting a message about God’s glory. At first, he didn’t see how creativity and imagination were connected to God’s glory, but he saw the connection.
Mosquito Conversation
“What happened…what did you drink?”
“This is strange…I have never felt this way.”
Dogood was woken up by two voices in the general area of his bedroom window. On looking closely, he saw two mosquitoes. One was lying on the fold of the curtain, and the other one standing holding a tumbler of water.
At that moment, Dogood realised that, in addition to possessing a rich imagination that at times manufactures strange thoughts, he could also hear strange voices and see strange things.
“Did the blood have alcohol and drugs?”
“Please, my discerning tongue the taste of alcohol in the blood.”
“It is like nothing you and I have ever tasted before.”
“What?”
“Dangerous stuff that can kill: anger, rage, bitterness.”
“What?”
“You can taste and smell that stuff in the blood, but I thought it was some exotic spices.”.
“Why didn’t you stop?”
“I was blinded by everything around me: the looks and the ambiance! The mere mention of it and I taste it afresh.”
With groans, the mosquito turned to retch.
“I have never seen you this sick. Do you mean to say that stuff stays longer than alcohol?”
“Trust me, that stuff is lethal.”
“We have to think of a way of screening what we suck. Looks can be deceiving.”
Dogood turned with hopes of sleeping again and perhaps dreaming.
Photo by NatsPhotos on Freeimages.com
Fishy Prayer
When the post on the plural of ‘fish’ breezed by my timeline, I was reminded of a time I was asked to say the closing prayer after a family gathering.
I overcame my initial reluctance with the elation that I was being recognized as an aspiring spiritual warrior. I exuded joy, excitement and confidence when I said, “Let us pray.”
Judge Dogood Accused of Practising Witchcraft
Have you ever been accused of practising witchcraft? Yes, I have.
And I am not talking about behind the scenes, hidden chatter and gossip, no. I am referring to a straight up face to face accusation.
On a fine Tuesday morning I was walking to my car. I was preoccupied with my warm thoughts which were warding off the freezing air outside. Ahead of me in the parking lot, John, my neighbour, was already driving out. But on seeing me he stopped and stomped out.
Human Gas
Dogood got a much sought justification for obsessing and talking freely about farting. This he got from an unexpected quarter: church and not a scientific study. He learnt about a spiritual dimension to passing gas. So as not to offend the imaginations and sensibilities of the noses, which have been enjoying some unexpected protection due to Covid-19, we will use the term human gas instead of farting. The masks have saved noses from the vagaries of air pollution.
Couples seminar: Adam and Eve
“Imagine how life was for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden before the Fall. What did they talk about?” Judge Dogood asked the seventeen couples. Dogood’s friend, who was facilitating the couple’s seminar, had invited him to open the session.
Dogood presented his version of what might have happened.
“When Adam saw Eve, he uttered the famous words, in Genesis 2:23, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called ‘Woman’, for she was taken out of man.’ Adam must have been so overjoyed that he even did a courtship jig. No more hanging out with animals or staring at trees for company.
He took her through the basics. His work was to take care of the Garden. And most important, he told her they must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Besides keeping him company, Eve was expected to help him with his work.